


my sanctuary, you're holy to me

by Pond_Melody



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Fallout, Schmoop, Trauma, i love these two SO MUCH i've been trying to finish this for three months, that's it that's the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 14:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16494254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pond_Melody/pseuds/Pond_Melody
Summary: He’s been so good at compartmentalizing these last few days, separating drive from fear from how much he’s missed Will. It’s easier when they’re apart, but now Will is only two feet away, and it’s starting to hit Benji all at once.





	my sanctuary, you're holy to me

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "Church" by Fall Out Boy.

Benji wears the highest collared shirt he can find for the flight home, and keeps it buttoned to the top the entire trip. It doesn’t quite conceal the ring around his neck, and the feeling of snug fabric around his throat makes his skin crawl, but it hides everything  well enough that he sticks it out. He just prays that no one will ask questions.

They say their goodbyes to Ilsa and watch her board her flight. He hopes that he’ll fall asleep on at least one of his own twelve-hour flights and not have to think about too much of anything for a while.

...

They land in Reagan, and Will is there waiting for them. Benji spots him first, cranes his neck to try and catch his eye. 

“Brandt!” Luther says loudly, which, hey, that works too. Will perks up and they finally make eye contact, Will hurrying over to them as soon he spots him back. 

Before Benji can say hello, Will’s hand is cupping the back of his head and he’s pressing a kiss to Benji’s forehead before pulling back to see him properly. He gives Benji a once-over, eyes lingering on his neck for just half a second too long but bless him, he doesn’t say anything. Benji’s shoulders relax a tiny bit.

The display of affection would usually be met with good-natured ribbing, mostly from Ethan, but Ethan hasn’t been cleared to fly yet and Luther doesn’t seem to have the energy today. Benji certainly doesn’t, so there’s that. Will clears his throat.

“Luther.”

“Secretary,” Luther replies dryly, raised eyebrow and all. He holds his hand out for a shake, but Will surprises him by pulling him into a quick hug. He returns it with a pat on the back. 

Benji winces. _Secretary._ It still hurts, a hell of a lot more than he thought it would, and he’s…not sure how he feels about that. He reminds himself that Will is only acting secretary right now, and what happens next isn’t really up to either of them. Still. Memories of their previous two secretaries are sitting heavy on his chest, threatening to squeeze the breath from his lungs, and it _hurts._  

“For now,” Will agrees quietly, and slips his hand into Benji’s. “Thank you.”

...

The seatbelt in the passenger seat of Will’s car rests against Benji’s neck in a way that he is not okay with, but he’s not about to listen to the dashboard beep at him for forty minutes, either. He buckles himself in, hoping Will doesn’t notice when he tucks the shoulder belt behind his back.

“Need anything on the way home?” Will asks as they navigate their way out of parking. “Hungry?”

He _is_ hungry. Starving, in fact, but the very thought of trying to swallow food right now scrapes sharply against his sore throat. “Can you bring our bedroom to the front seat of this car?” He asks instead, allowing a little smile to tug at the corners of his mouth.

Will laughs genuinely, harder than Benji thought he would. “I don’t think so, Benj.”

Benji lets his shoulders slump in mock disappointment. “Damn.”

 He’s still smiling as he touches the turn signal and pulls out of the lot. Benji watches him turn the wheel and let it slide back into place through his fingers and god, he’s been so good at compartmentalizing these last few days, separating drive from fear from how much he’s missed Will. It’s easier when they’re apart, but now Will is only two feet away, and it’s starting to hit Benji all at once. He swallows the lump in his throat and keeps himself angled toward the window, trying to hold it off for just half an hour more.

…

They pull into their driveway and enter their home. Benji drops his bag and makes a bee-line for the steps while Will shuts the door behind them, flicking on hallway light.

He’s hoping for the off-chance that Will hasn’t noticed the bruises or at least won't ask about them, that there’s still time to hide under the covers of their bed and not have to deal with this just yet, when he hears Will approach the base of the stairs without following him up.

“Benji,” he says softly. Benji freezes. He knows what’s coming even though Will hasn’t asked him anything yet, and he can’t blink back the tears any longer. His face crumples as he turns to look at Will, whose own face is a mask of poorly concealed rage.

“Please?” Will continues, the tenderness in his voice betraying his facial expression. “We don’t need to talk about it.”

Benji scrubs a hand over his face and, with a deep breath, descends wordlessly. He looks everywhere but Will’s face, while Will slowly, carefully unbuttons his collar. He pushes away the fabric and lifts Benji’s chin to examine his abused throat.

“You said you wouldn’t ask,” Benji reminds him quietly when he opens his mouth to speak.

“Are you in pain?” Will asks instead, his voice wobbly. Benji shakes his head. “Trouble breathing?”

“I have painkillers. Steroids, too,” He tries to smile, tries really fucking hard to not look like he’s falling apart, but he knows his watery eyes and quivering mouth aren’t fooling anyone. “I’m okay,” he says, but the words are muffled against Will’s shoulder as he draws him into a hug. 

“I love you,” Will whispers. He might be clinging just a little, which is fine, because that means Benji doesn’t need an excuse to cling back.

“I love you, too.” 

“I’m sorry.”

Benji pulls back, not enough to remove himself from Will’s embrace, but enough to look him in the eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for,” he says firmly. Will shakes his head.

“I should have been there.”

Benji widens his eyes at the thought of Will having been _anywhere_ near _any_ of that. He’s alarmed just thinking about it, even though it’s all over.

Benji shakes his head. “No, Will, you don’t understand how close that was, I -,”

His voice cracks, and he gasps. The _only_ good thing about that fucking mission was that Will was far away. A small part of him had been able to breathe easily, even as he was hanging from the ceiling, because Will was far away. It didn’t matter whether he died, whether Ilsa left him to hang or cut him down too late, or if they weren’t fast enough or if Ethan wasn’t fast enough and they all burned, it didn’t _matter_ , as long as -

“Breathe,” Will’s voice cuts in, immediately calming the hurricane stirring in his chest. His face is pressed into Will’s shoulder once again, his tears leaking into Will’s shirt. Will is holding the back of his head, his hand firm and strong, but light enough for Benji to pull away if he wants to.

He doesn’t. He just buries his face in deeper.

“I’m here, baby, just breathe.”

They’ll talk about this later. He’ll probably cry again, when the time comes to recall what happened in that cabin, and Will will hold him through it. He might even cry himself.   

Benji isn’t ready for that yet. He needs to fall apart before he can put himself back together, something he’s been putting off for days. Something he doesn’t think he can put off any longer.

“I’ve got you,” Will whispers in his ear, swaying gently from side to side as his arms tighten protectively around Benji, and Benji finally allows the last of resolve to come crashing down.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been trying to finish this quite literally since I saw the movie in August - it's been sitting on my hard drive since then, and I had a burst of motivation to finish it tonight. There's some more I'd like to write for these two, but I wanted to finish this one first. I'll probably also make some minor edits later on.


End file.
